Change can be difficult sometimes, especially if it is beyond our comfort zone. In this post I would like to share a personal story about my own growth and change process, which may support you in your own. I will bring three different ideas together, which then I made my own conclusion.
First, I will start with the 3 different domain, as follows.
In the last couple of days, I was exploring impostor syndrome again and how to overcome it. This post by Kyle has really empowered me, not because he said anything extraordinary, but somehow his easy and laid back style; and particularly what was very supportive is the point to hold my Ego lightly, that I am not so important, that “things” in general are not so important (except love & death and more of course); and this is also what we learn through Mindfulness as well.
Furthermore, due to my work as a Coach, knowing and holding secondary gain, is always in the back of my head as this is often something which comes up in Coaching, as one of the reasons it is hard to change as in our current position there must be something we gain, that is why we are still in that boat. Secondary gain is basically, the good things we benefit in a situation which is not so good. For example, if we are ill, is of course not good, yet if we receive care from family members and loved ones, which perhaps we would not receive otherwise, at least this is how we feel, we may end up being ill as we receive care which we need, despite of being ill. So this is just a short explanation and example, if you would like to know more about secondary gain, you can find useful information in the following articles here, here and here.
Additionally, besides of impostor syndrome and secondary gain, there is one more thing which was very supportive knowing about in this matter, it`s about vertical and horizontal development, which I think I first read about it in Rob McNamara`s book called The Elegant Self and also in the book by Kegan and Lahey called Immunity to Change. I very much recommend these books, not because I am getting any commissions, but because they are eyes opening. Horizontal development is more about attaining skills and competencies, while vertical development is about developing a more complex and sophisticated way of thinking.
And now, my story.
At the moment when I am writing this blog post in February 2021, I am in a transition between being an employee and working set ours to be a full time self-employed, entrepreneur.
I went through transformation in the past few years, which is a dynamic process and progress, there is always something new I learn, a limiting belief I clear, something new I realise and become aware of, challenges I face with, working on it then letting it pass, as part of living life to the fullest.
My current employee job involves me cycling 40 minutes to work and 40 minutes back home, it is 6 hours work so I have the rest of my time to focus on my practice and business as Coach and Mindfulness Teacher.
However, this is not as simply and easy as it seems. I don`t want to get into a great amount of details, but while I was cycling to work, more of struggling on the bike, in the rain and wind, pushing hard, I was asking myself “what is the benefit I still gain from this situation, which is greater then becoming a full time self-employed?” “What is good for me in this situation?” “What am I afraid of?” What are the next step, I need to make in order to become a full time self-employed?” “What do I need to be or do, for this situation to become easier?” “What am I not willing to see, which is here, which could help me to move on?” “What is my secondary gain in this situation?”
And based on the above three domain I explored, I started to realise; this situation is something which is easy for me, this is comfortable for me, as I know struggle, I know 9-5 work, I know it “all”. So, in order to have a different result, I need to start doing something different. I need to step out of my comfort zone. And I very much aware of what is my next step, and I know it very well that I have been keep avoiding it, for months….. it is visibility, being seen; if I want to make progress, people need to know that I exist, that I have services to offer… So I need to start creating content, written and even video content, which is my biggest challenge at the moment. But , I have reached the stage, that the secondary gain is less and the assumed negative outcome and the possible greater positive outcome I could make through this leap. I am in the top of the fence leaning towards the side I would like to be on, but I have fear.
As a result, I am now writing this post, making the first step towards the uncomfortable, stepping out of my comfort zone, holding the situation lightly, progress and develop; do what I love to do, and not holding myself back, letting myself seen, express what I know, and supporting you and others with who I am.
Have you got similar story to share? How did you find this post?
Share your comment below, looking forward to hearing from you!
Gabriella Barta Coaching & Mindfulness 
Hi dear Gabriella! I can soooo relate to what you said. You became really a dpecial person to me while we had our coaching lessons as you are a highly efficient personality with a lot of empathy. And yes, we are all afraid of the anonymous mass that will for sure judge us and critisize us as soon as we state our perspectives on life on a podium. And indeed there always is somebody who will question something we say, stand for etc. What else than eg mindfulness can help us there? Warmest wishes from your new friend from Germany and her naughty dog as well as..of course…”my” horses ( and goats) 😉 Katharina
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